The Disturbing Truth Behind Goldschläger




I recall the first time I saw a Goldschläger bottle. It was St. Patrick’s Day in Northern Ireland in 2005. A group of us were drinking warm cans of super lager and smoking cigarettes behind a public bathroom. One member of ours, however, was clutching the slender neck of a Goldschläger bottle. He took drags from a shared cigarette while the cinnamon syrup's hypnotic gold flakes spiraled inside the bottle like a Bond villain’s snow globe. 

"The gold in it cuts your throat,” he said with a woozy, yellow-toothed grin. “Gets you shitbagged quicker!”

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For those unfamiliar with the filthy Schlag, it's high-proof Swiss cinnamon liquor spiked with alleged gold flakes. Its sickly sweet, pseudo-luxurious appeal has kept it a prominent feature behind the type of bars that have no problem over-serving their patrons. Typically served as a shooter, it has been known to creep its way into the sports bar mixologist’s book.

Alcohol and its powers will always be shrouded in a certain amount of mysticism, but Goldschläger seems to enjoy a particularly rampant amount of rumor, hearsay, and infamy. So we’re going to break that down for you and debunk the myths surrounding the liquor.

Okay, Hold Up…Is It Real Gold?

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That appears to be the case.

All of the ‘literature’ available on the Internet suggests that it is, in fact, 24-carat gold that you have been ingesting all these years.

The amount of gold contained in a bottle amounts to about 1/10th of a gram, and is worth less than four bucks in today’s market. A bottle of Schlag costs $25 at BevMo!, so one must presume they are so self-conscious of the taste that they consider a four-dollar expenditure on gold to be completely necessary as a marketing draw.

Well, they’re right in doing so because their booze is vile.

Does It Cut Your Throat?

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No.

At least that seems to be the general consensus. We don’t think anyone is trying to make micro-incisions in their throat to get drunk quicker. That’s a level of impatience that even vodka colonics can’t match. It’s actually just one step further from pulling up to a bar, cutting your hand open, and pouring whiskey into the wound.

How to Make the Apple Pie Shot (with Goldschlager) - YouTube

What we can deduce is that Goldschläger is boorish and offensive. While it does contain real gold, we think it’s fair to conclude it is, in fact, fool’s gold.

In case you're actually interested in learning how to make Goldschläger worse:

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Liquid Cocaine Cocktail Recipe

Goldschläger - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Goldschläger is a Swiss cinnamon schnapps (43.5% alcohol by volume or 87 ...
Next, get a shot glass and pour in 10ml of Goldschlager, followed by 15ml of ...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldschl%C3%A4ger

1 oz. Goldschläger 

1 oz. Rumple Minze

1 oz. Jagermeister

     1. Don’t, under any circumstances, find yourself in possession of any
         of these bottles (let alone all three). 

     2. If that does happen, proceed to pour them all into a glass, one at a time.

     3. Think long and hard about the consequences of drinking this.

     4. Chase with bleach.







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